What's that you say? The countdown may actually be ON?

Buona sera tutti. Hope everyone's Hump Day was grand. As for me, glass half full, glass half full, glass half full. My mantra and motto, despite the fact that there was b-s type stuff that happened. Then again, life is too short and I need to keep reminding myself that in the grand scheme of things, it just don't matter (bad grammar intentional - so THERE! Gasp!)

Read a fabulous quote tonight - two in fact - and both of them cast a slightly different light on things. Here's the first one ....it just struck a chord ...

And the second ...an old-time favourite pair ...

Sooooo ....these two just brought a smile to my face after a funky planets-not-quite-aligned kind of day.

A dear friend's father passed away a couple of days ago and both Mon Amour et moi are heartbroken for her loss. It just seems too frequent of late and while I realize it is a normal part of the cycle - i.e. people are born, they live (hopefully a long, fruitful, healthy, happy life), and then they depart this earth - it just seems that there have been so many within the past few months ....and not simply folks that have lived to a ripe, old age ....went to mass this past Sunday with bro and I asked The Dude(tte) and I quote: "Greetings Lord(ette). What up? Hoping you will take care of me (selfish I know - side note - Catholic thing) - and hubby, bro, dear friend who just lost his sister at the age of 51, young man of 29 who just lost his life to The Big Evil C (note - new site - F**k Cancer - I concur; pardon my French), dear friend who just lost her dad - again to The Big C (Repeat - F**k Cancer!!!) ....and candidly, what up? Is that too forward a question for The Divine?" Anyhoo....it kind of went on like that....just ruminating on What It Is All About. Felt very good ...no answers, but good nonetheless....quiet reflection and all of that.

Happier notes. And more practical ones. Flurry of telephone calls today. YEAH! 1) Dr Mint Green Shirt's Nurse - confirming Chem-ecstasy order and to expect a call from Big Pharma Co; 2) Call from said Big Pharma Co stating they are going to ship out the Make-My-Ample-Locks-Fall-Out-Dope; 3) Nuke-o-Rama Doc wanting to confirm dates for first Strap-Her-Head-Into-That-Mask-And-Nuke-Her-Head/Brain/Hair/Cranium ....soooooo, in other words, the proverbial wheels are FINALLY in motion! Never thought I would see the day when I would be glad to get that kind of sh**ty fun started. Looks like next week it is. New motto (besides "glass half full" - I feel like Alice in Wonderland ...through the looking glass) - get 'er DONE! YEAH.

And on a closing note, sending much love, our deepest sympathies and our every prayer to our dear friend HKK on the loss of her strong, courageous, and sweet father. Uno had a wonderful sense of humour, a remarkable outlook on life, and an unwavering love for his family. And ....hoping that our dearest friend and her family find comfort in the knowledge that while his presence here on earth (which laughs in flowers) will be sorely missed, he is undoubtedly rejoicing in the heavens ....the stars that Calvin and Hobbes reference above....

And as hubby suggested last night, an appropriate adieu for ce soir is from Douglas Adams' seminal work, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ....(if you haven't read it, highly recommend ...just for fun!)

So long and thanks for all the fish,

(and much love)

Cancerella and Her Sidekick (Ford Prefect)
xoxoxo

Cancerella's version of "Memory Day" Weekend ...

Greetings all. Gosh, it seems so long since I dipped the proverbial quill into the ink pot and set about posting my ever-increasing rambly - according to my friend MS ;-) - thoughts to proverbial paper. Hubby and I took a trip to beautiful, tropical, lush (mua ha ha) Home-And-Native-Land to take advantage of the holiday weekend here in the US, the Memorial Day Weekend. Now, this particular weekend pays homage to those folks who served in the American military and also unofficially marks the start of summer, which for hubby and me, seemed fitting, as while we certainly respect the American troops - and hubby's father served in the Canadian military for 20+ years (thank you profoundly for your service, Sir), for me personally, it was more about paying homage to my home town, my dear friends in my home town, my dear family in my home town.....as well as marking my own start of a season as it were, with the ever impending start of my treatment....more in a bit.

Driving through my home town always brings back a flood of memories, too many to mention, most very fond and some too poignant to mention. The house where I grew up - the only home I knew - the house my father built with his own hands, and with the help of his dear brothers, my uncles; the school where I learned to read and write; the park where my dear departed brother and I would spend entire summers playing on the swings, on the merry-go-round, throwing the ball; the now-under-renovation-mega-grocery-store, formerly a Zellers (slowly being rebranded as somewhat lackluster Target stores in Canada) and where there used to be a parking lot, there where I learned to ride a bicycle;  the house where my dear aunts and uncle still live and where I enjoyed many Christmas feasts as a child, and where now, as a middle-aged woman, I raise a glass of fruity homemade wine and feast on DEEEEEE-licious homemade salami (yummmmmm); and...the apartment where my brother lived; and the serene, beautiful, hilltop place where his and so many of my loved ones' mortal remains now rest. So so many memories indeed.

And on a much ...MUCH ...lighter note, a lot of food - true to Italian form - and lots of wine - also true to Italian form. And did I mention, loooooots of food and loooooots of wine? There are advantages to not driving. ;-) ....Thanks to all of my amazing, amazing family and my dear dear friend CIF for a great - albeit short - and true Italian weekend. Mille grazie!!!

So, as I mentioned earlier, the major goal of the weekend was to see my family before I started treatment, thinking that by now, everything would be set up. Well, wouldn't you know it? I am STILL waiting for the f'ing phone call about the chemo drugs. I spoke with the oncologist's nurse last week, and naturally, she was all about how she had done her bit, faxed in the form yadda yadda yadda "SOOO sorry!! Blah blah blah ...not my fault!!"....and here I am, one week later, and STILL no blasted drugs. I really want to get this started because once I start it, then I can finish it. I don't want to think about it anymore - I just want to get it over and done with, bald spots, nausea, fatigue and all the other horrible s**t. Let's just get 'er done, right!?!?  So....that is where THAT is at.

Once I get the Chem-ecstasy, I can set up the Nukorama. Do you think if I wash down the Chem-ecstasy with a jug of Pinot Noir, it will be fun? I think I am going to treat myself. WTF. Totally kidding. Maybe. I won't do that s**t. I will only treat myself to a glass of wine when my hair falls out. Side note here - for those of you who know me well, you know that I have not had anything at all to drink in 16 months - not that I had a problem, not at all; I got fat so I had to give something up. And I still wanted to eat. So I bid adieu to vino (the only thing with an alcohol content I drink except beer when I visit my brother and my cousins!) 

Dear readers. My apologies. A confession. I must admit that the "flow" just isn't happening ce soir. For a number of reasons. Trying to be positive, especially after a great weekend, but candidly, I am struggling today. I learned this morning that a dear dear friend's father passed away of cancer and the funeral is later this week. Another dear friend's sister passed away last week and the celebration of life was this past Sunday and sadly, hubby and I missed it. And the dear young man of whom I wrote last week - well, his service is Thursday this week. It just seems a little overburdensome at the moment. That (S)He is taking quite a few folks and at the risk of a resounding chorus of "no DON'T", well, .....it is on my mind. That is all I am saying about that tonight as I am going to reflect on all the beautiful happenings this weekend, count my blessings, think positive thoughts that the #%^{^~* drugs will get here and then I can start the Fiesta, that I have so much for which to be grateful. Glass half full. Glass half full. Glass half full. 

I will write a tribute to my dear friend's dad tomorrow and until then, sending her and her family our love, bone-crushing Estonian hugs, prayers, strength, courage ....

Thanks for reading and for listening, as always ...from the bottom of my heart - thank you. 

Stay strong, Toronto.

Cancerella and Buderello

xoxoxo

Stopping and smelling the lilacs ... and RIP, CW ...

Good evening on this rainy, thunderstormy night. It's one of those evenings when it makes me sad to think that there are people who don't have shelter and when I am very, very thankful for a roof over my head. Counting my blessings indeed. I love the majesty and magnificence of a thunderstorm and find them at once intoxicating and soothing. Seems counterintuitive, I suppose; I find the booming of the thunder - the celestial shouting - juxtaposed with the peaceful, tranquil sounds of steady rain to be like an ethereal symphony, and a divine reminder of my little place on this big earth. Perspective indeed. I can also hear the choirs of frogs chanting their evening hymns ... it's quite magical actually. Earlier this evening, there was a pair of cardinals feeding in our backyard, and I am sure it's the same pair of cardinals who has been living in the massive spruce tree in the corner of our yard since we moved here six and a half years ago. Did you know that cardinals have an average life span of almost 16 years? How extraordinary ... magical indeed .....



On a somewhat more somber note, a young man passed away this evening. This young man - CW - fought valiantly and courageously and with grace - and sadly, lost his year-long battle to the blasted, f'ing Big C. I unfortunately did not know this extraordinary young man; he was the son of a friend of a dear friend, and so, there are people suffering and in mourning tonight, and that is always heartbreaking to me - to know that people are suffering, and especially a mother who has just lost her son. Yet, despite the fact that this brave, beautiful young man left this world at a tender 28 years, he endured this last year with supreme dignity, with humour, with grace and I find his courage to be profoundly humbling and inspiring. I work with several folks in their 20's and I don't say this to be judgmental, or to sound like a finger-waving, cranky old broad - quite the contrary in fact. It's remarkable to me to watch people at that stage in their life, embarking on their lives - it's so exciting and brings back so many memories - the world is truly one's oyster, with seemingly endless possibilities laying ahead - so amazing! There is also a feeling of invincibility and of always looking to the future, and so, all I will say - for any 20-something's that may be reading this - I hope that you will balance the looking-to-the-future with living-in-the-present and recognizing the many wonderful little things for which to be thankful ...

Mark Twain said it best, I think ... "The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time." May the Good Lord above bless CW and may he rest in peace.

For me - and likely because of This-Thing-In-My-Head - the moral of the story keeps coming back to simply living each day fully, to stopping and smelling the proverbial lilacs, to loving fully, to enjoying the majesty of a thunderstorm, the sight of two cardinals feeding, the hug of a dear sweet husband, a chat with a dear friend, a visit with beloved family and friends ..... not much else to say this evening ...hope you enjoy another shot of our lilac bush (it's almost in full bloom) and in the distance you can see the tree where our cardinals live....

Thanks for listening ... and sending hugs and love your way. And to CW's mom ...and her friend (my dear friend) - many prayers and much love.

Wishing you all a great evening.

Stay classy, Vancouver.

Cancerella and Budiolo
xoxoxo

Dear US Postal Service: So NOT about you! PS Thanks for the flyers (I think)

Buona sera. Bonsoir. Buenas noches. 'Allo! Guten Abend (not sure if that's correct German or not - that's what freetranslation.com claims is the Deutsch translation for "good evening". For any German speakers that may be reading this: if I have mistakenly stated "good flatulence" or something equally as off-putting, my apologies; my intentions are always of the sincerest variety).  Here's hoping that everyone's Hump Day was humpily delightful. Gosh, I LOVE Wednesdays! (Honestly, every day of the week is special in its own right and has its own awesome merits). 12:01 p.m. marks the official "Attention. Attention. We Are Now Officially Over The Hump", and the countdown to the weekend has officially begun with the bulk of the week behind us (this gal's glass is half-full of cheeky, forthright Malbec!). For us folks living here in the U.S. of A., it's especially delightful with a long weekend approaching - and with hubby and I heading to Canadia, aka The Land of Maple Leafs/Maple Syrup/Polite People/Family/Friends/Good Beer, it's particularly exciting. Giddy up!!

A quick update on the whole "Dear Mr. Postman. Where the heck are my chemo drugs?" story. So, I called the folks at the Big C hospital - the spot where they drilled the hole in my head (I should probably stop saying that, but hey, there's this mildly twisted part of me that thinks that is kind of cool - from a modern medical marvel perspective) to ask about whether I had messed up and forgotten to sign one of hundreds of forms or neglected to contact my insurance company or one of dozens of folks to have them do something-or-other. Truth be told, sometimes things are a weeeeee bit complicated here on the medical/pharma/insurance/health care front. Now, having said that, the quality of the health care is absolutely, undeniably and unbelievably outstanding - it really is. Incredible. World-class. Amazing. I am truly blessed to have access to this incredible system; in fact, after my biopsy, bits of my grey/gray matter went to Sloan Kettering, one of the finest Cancro/Kreft/Cancer hospitals in this solar system (Italian/Norwegian/Plain Old English!). How awesome is that??

Part of me feels mildly guilty for saying that - partly because of the Catholic thing (bless me Father, for I have sinned. I said the word "shit" eight million times this past week and "f**k" .. ummm ....three hundred ... ummm ... thousand ...sorry), and partly because of the Canadian socialized, "we provide health care to everyone" philosophy. I firmly believe, from the top of my head (soon to be hairless - I am leaning towards the Marie Antoinette and Nicki Minaj wigs) to the tips of my toes, that everyone - EVERYONE - has a right to health care; that it is indeed a right and not a privilege. The problem with that system in my dear and beloved homeland - at a high level - is that I believe that the system is mildly overwhelmed because folks take it for granted and thus overuse it, that there just aren't the funds to purchase some of the same equipment and thus, folks have to wait for some critically important things. I could go on, but won't. Suffice to say, that a major case in point is that when I had my first MRI here in the US, I saw my doctor on a Wednesday afternoon and she set up an appointment for an MRI for the very next morning. In Canada, I've heard tell of folks waiting 3 - 6 months for an MRI.

Now, please - for my dear Canadian friends and family and especially, especially my family in the health care field (and for whom I have profound respect; a noble calling - truly) - please do not misinterpret my comments as criticism against the Canadian system or s**ting on it (eight million and one times - sorry Jesus) - it's a wonderful system, and again, the philosophy is sound. The thing that is concerning about some of the waits - and selfishly, I think of my case - is that if Mon Amour et moi were still living in Canada, perhaps I would still be waiting for an MRI, and perhaps - God forbid - by the time the Svulst/Itsnotta/Tuuumaaa was discovered ... well .... candidly, it may have been at a different stage (I think of Teddy Kennedy - God rest his soul) and this would be an entirely different story I'd be telling/rambling on about/reciting ... I think you dear beautiful folks can connect the remaining dots.

Where was I? Oh yes ... Nancy Drew and the Case of the Missing Chemo Pills. Well, turns out that So-and-So faxed in the order, but Yadda-Yadda didn't receive it, and so, yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah to the power of a quadrillion ... and the moral of the story is, that I hope to get them within the next couple of days. Now, some of you may be wondering... WTF?? (three hundred thousand and one - sorry Father) ... why is that gal in such a freakin' hurry to get on that s**t (eight million and two - mi scusa, Jesu)?? Well, the sooner I start, the sooner I can finish.... and frankly, I just want to get it over and done with at this point, especially the radiation. Hey, by the time it ends, it will be mid-July and I want to be in fun mode for Hubby's Birthday! That, and there's also this mildly twisted bit of me that can't wait to shave my head. It's true! There's a wonderful charity that helps little kids with cancer (can't think of a worthier cause) and they help raise money by having folks shave their heads. Oy, I'm starting to repeat myself, as I'm sure I told you fine folks about it; in fact, I seem to recall forewarning you that I was going to hit you up for funds. Both Canadian and US currencies welcome! And, it's the perfect foil - there's a part of me that fantasizes about waltzing into work in one of my Tahari or Anne Klein or equally corporate-y suits, heels and a glistening bald dome, and to march down the hallway, bald head held high as if nothing were different, just to see the reaction on some folks' faces. I was telling a gal at the office today and she warned me of some of those folks who would cock their heads to the side - like your dog when (s)he is wondering what up - and ask "ooooh ... how ARE you?" ... and you know? It will all be fine. Really. It's all good. Truly.

And on that happy note, I will wish each and every one of you a fantastic evening and sending you much, much love, many Estonian (i.e. bone-crushing - thank you Yak! aka HKK) hugs, and many thanks - as always - for your seemingly limitless support and love and prayers ....love you all thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis much and then some.

A continuation of last night's theme - changing up the geography a bit - and again, muchas gracias to Racherella.

Stay Classy, Ottawa.

Cancerella and Bud
xoxoxoxo

PS a pic of our lilac shrub coming into bloom ...

Dear US Postal Service, Do You Have My Big Pills? PS Memory Lane - Part Deux

Well hello all and happy end-of-Monday and hoping my fellow Canuckistanians had a fantabulously supercalifragilisticexpielidociously (sp? Pffft. My blog. My spelling!) amazing long weekend, resplendent with good weather, good eats and good times.

A couple of things ....completely random (naturally). I thought for sure The Big Chemo Drugs would have arrived by now. They were to have come by mail and when Mon Amour et moi met with Dr Cheemo on May 8 - the day he was in navy blue from head-to-toe unlike the first time we met him when he was resplendent (can a man be resplendent if he's not gay? Discuss) in a mint green shirt. So so bold for a straight man. I digress. Naturally. In any event, Dr Cheemo and his capable nurses advised us that they were going to order The Big Pills and that they would take 7 - 10 days to arrive. Hmmm. So, each day, I await the arrival of the ever efficient US Postal Service - they deliver on Saturdays here (although not sure for how much longer. Sigh. They are just mildly, um, in debt! So so sad ...letter writing, cards and the like is such a lost art. Sigh) and I check our mailbox to see if the Pills-That-Will-Make-My-Hair-Fall-Out have indeed arrived. Now you may be wondering why I may be anxious to receive said Pills? Well, I suppose that the sooner I get those dang things, the sooner I can start them and The Nuke Fest also known as The-Event-That-Will-Make-My-Hair-Fall-Out-In-CHUNKS can simultaneously begin. Until then, said countdown remains in mild limbo.

A shot of our poor lonely empty mailbox....(and fyi, the weather was mildly crappy here this past weekend; hence, no planter flowers yet ....)

So....speaking of the post office, my oldest brother Dan worked for Canada Post as a letter carrier for 35+ years and retired a few years ago. (I know there is an awesome photo of Dan on the first day he started work, all decked out in his uniform but I do not have that pic to upload - DANG - it's classic!!) When my dad died, suddenly overnight, Dan was Big Man In Charge of me - an overweight, hormonal 14-year old and our dear, more reserved brother Paul, who had just turned 16 at the time. Dan was so so unbelievably kind-hearted and generous and loving to stay and look after us, and although he says that any decent man would have done the same thing, I'm not so sure about that, especially since Dan was at an age when he was just embarking on his own life. The sacrifice and unwavering love and devotion to both Paul and me is something for which I will be always be deeply and eternally grateful, indebted, humbled ....how do you repay someone for years of their life? What an amazing gift.

Paul and I were 16 months apart in age and literally grew up together ...I have very early memories of being in hospital with Paul with whooping cough when I was 2 and he was 3, of potty training at the same time (couldn't resist!) :-), of walking to school together, hand-in-hand, of being inseparable during our childhood. He was my playmate, my best friend, my confidante ....Paul was a sweet, kind, gentle soul but sadly, he did not have an easy life - he struggled with mental illness most of his adult life, and yet, he maintained an unwavering faith that was inspiring and humbling. My dear brother Paul passed away last year - Thursday, November 1, 2012, All Saints' Day in fact and although it may sound trite, it was indeed fitting; he was one of the kindest, most generous-hearted people I have ever known and that inspires me daily to be a better person - and that is the God's honest truth....

The love that I feel for my brothers is difficult to put into words - it is literally fathomless and all-consuming; when Paul started having some other issues last March 2012, there was simply no question between Dan and me that we would do everything we needed to do to make sure Paul was looked after. That unspoken bond admittedly had seen its share of ups and downs over the years, and yet, there is simply no love like I have always felt for them both and always will. Despite the heartbreaking loss at losing Paul to this world, there is comfort in knowing he is in a better world....

And....on a happier note, how's this for a happy shot of the two of us? ;-) Hubby and I have this vintage stereo in our house and it brings back fond memories ....

Thanks - as always - for reading, "listening", commenting, hugging, loving, supporting, giggling ..... means the world to me and to Mio Marito - truly, honestly, from the bottom of my heart ....and whatever happens with This Thing, I have a sweet, loving husband; a beautiful loving, family; supportive, loving friends....lots of love ....what more could a gal want? It's true....my heart overflows with the love I feel and it is a gift for which I am so grateful and that I do not take for granted. Thank you all...so so much ...for your love.

Tonight's closing courtesy of Racherella ...and I'm changing it up just a wee bit to incorporate a little geographic diversity. YEAH~! Buona sera tutti e tanti baci.

Stay classy, Guelph.

Cancerella and Hubberello
xoxoxoxo

A stroll down memory lane .... part one ....

Greetings all and happy Sunday! Hoping all my Canadian family and friends are enjoying their long weekend. It was a misty, cool day here today - perfect for catching up on ... well ... lazing about, really ... my humble confession! OK, I admit that I had hubby drive me to Target and I was expecting to do my usual thang at Tarjay, which is to weave my cart leisurely down each aisle, check out the sales and new products and greeting cards and pajamas and scarves and just be the quintessential Tar-jaaay customer. And, well ... after 30 minutes, I was quite simply done. This svulst/itsnotta/THANG/condition/yadda yadda yaddda thing that is happening really HAS changed my view on things. No, seriously. Ask hubby. I would spend hours on end in Not-Wal-Mart...and today? Bleccchh ... just not interested. A true turning point. And although it may seem trivial, it was indeed momentous for Yours Truly. Alright. Enough of that Oprah-style stuff.

As Mio Marito and I get ready to head up to Canada next weekend to see my friends and family (YEAH!!), I find myself reminiscing - I came across a link for a web site that hubby had set up waaay back when - in the days before Facebook. Seems hard to believe that such a time even existed. Makes me feel old suddenly. Like really old. Perhaps even mildly of the "do you remember when {cough cough} .... ?" ... and "wasn't life simpler when {wheeze wheeze}...?" variety. Oy vey ... no way. I have NOT turned into THAT old broad. No way. In fact, I washed that grey/gray right out of my hair today (hence, my trip to Tar-jay) .... so technically, I don't look old and thanks to my dear, departed mother (thank you, Mama!) whose skin I also inherited, I humbly think that I don't look my (ahem ...cough cough ... ahem) 51 years ... oy ... seems surreal to even say that - i.e. that I'm 51 years old. S**t. OK .. I digress yet again.

Right - so I came across this link that Hubby set up back in the day and if you folks want to giggle, check out some of these pix ... they were even taken on a camera, and some of them were even developed into photos! (some of you are even in these shots....)


http://drewbuchanan.tripod.com/index.html

And ... as a reprise of the old porn 'stache wedding pic, check out this shot, taken just two years later (1993) ... I mean, this thing used to cast a shadow. Dude had moss growing on the tops of his shoes because of this EPIC 'stache. Simply epic. Gargantuan. That, and his channeling of Dale Earnhardt (his hero). W.O.W.

So, the reminiscing and looking at these old pictures, and our trip next weekend naturally, made me think of my dear family, my dear departed parents (God rest their souls; they were my age when they passed away - f**k ... I mean, that's young! I was kidding about being old) ... and of my dear, sweet brothers (more on them tomorrow ...). My mom and dad were sick with brain cancer and lung/throat cancer, respectively from 1970 to 1977, off and on...my mom got sick first, then within two weeks was back driving, taking care of us, and being a mom/caregiver/awesome woman! I still remember her coming home from the hospital with a major head bandage and saying she just didn't have time to be sick. Go MAMA! She is my inspiration. She really is; in fact, the day we went to meet with the neuro-oncologist to review the results of my biopsy - April 25 - was the 36-year anniversary of her passing. How's that for a sign from the heavens? She was absolutely there in spirit - I just know it.

Then, my dad got sick in 1972, and the docs removed a lung because it was just ... well ... gone. As a sidebar, if any of you readers are smokers, here's a tip. Quit. Please and thank you. Smoking WILL in fact kill you. Just sayin'. My mom got sick again in 1974 and when they operated, she was just never quite the same afterwards. Instead of putting her in a home, my dad wanted to care for her at home, so he started working nights so that he could be with her during the day, and by the time he left for work, we would be home from school and Dan would be home from work (my oldest brother Dan was a letter carrier). Papa got sick again in 1976, and we had to put Mama in continuing care then, because we just couldn't leave her on her own....our father passed away three weeks later; my mother, eight months after that. A shot of my mom and dad ... weren't they beautiful? I still miss them ... in fact, the older I get, the more I miss them. I know they are with me, though, so although this may sound sad, it's really not - the moral of this story is that love does in fact conquer all. More in a bit...

Why am I telling you all of this? Well, Dan - my oldest brother - was literally, overnight, thrust into the role of mother/father/big brother/caregiver and I used to joke with folks that we were the original Party of Five without the designer jeans and good hair. We were also blessed with two uncles - my dad's brothers - who lived down the street and they looked in on us as well, so we had lots of support. One uncle was made our legal guardian and this, with five small kids of his own (God love him!). All that to say, thank GOD for family and for the love of family. I just feel so blessed, truly, because in all these years, my family has always, always been there ... always... that's not to say that we have not had our ups and downs; of course we have - I think that's a normal part of any family. But, I came across a quote and it just sums up my feelings towards my family so perfectly:

"Being deeply loved gives you strength. Loving deeply gives you courage." Lao Tzu

I have droned on long enough ... tomorrow I will tell you about my brothers ... here's a picture in the meantime... a happy shot. Thank you in the meantime for humoring/humouring me with this stroll down memory lane.....


On that happy note, I will sign off and send lots of love and hugs your way. Tonight's closing courtesy of Uncle K (thanks Uncle K ... ) ...


Radiating Love,

Cancerella and Her Amore (aka Porn Stache Dude - Thank GOD he shaved that off!!)
xoxoxoxox

Being thankful for small things - reprise/round two/sounding familiar/lather-rinse-repeat!

Well first and foremost, a very happy birthday to the dearly departed Queen Vicky, and a toast to her memory. Cheers! For my American pals, this weekend - called the "Victoria Day Weekend" in My Home and Native Land, as I think I may have mentioned in a post a couple of nights ago - is really the kick-off long weekend to the summer season for my fellow Canucks, and the time when folks plant up their gardens, open up their cottages/summer homes, enjoy a long weekend with friends and family, and drink a looooot of cold, frosty beer (hic!) Here's to Vicky/Vicki!

So, on a completely random note, I woke up this morning and lo and behold, my wedding ring finger was completely swollen, unbendable and freakin' sore! I mean OUCH - or as my pals with young ones might say, "ouchy!" Yes, that one and only finger that on one beautiful day in October 1991 - gosh, I remember it like it was yesterday, I really do! -  my dear sweet hubby - resplendent and rockin' in his tuxedo, and sporting a smoking hot 90's porn 'stache, in the presence of our family, friends and the Good Lord above (hallelujah!) slipped that blessed, gorgeous tri-gold band on to, and said in a loud, clear voice: "with this ring, I thee wed....yadda yadda yadda...let's party!" So, I'm wondering to myself this morning - what the HELL happened to my blasted (sorry Jesus) finger? I mean, did I happen to mention... OUCH!?! Waaaaa...me sore!! Waaaaa! Now, I must also sidebar here and say that in the nearly-22-years that Mon Amour et moi have been married, I have taken my ring off twice - God's honest truth; the first time, when I had the lumpectomy in October 2011 ("happy anniversary Honey! Getting some work done on the boobies - oh wait; nope, just one! And oh, I need to take my ring off..."), and the second time, just five weeks ago when Dr. M. strapped me down on that table ("Oooooh, Rhett! You are so forceful!! Rawwrrr"), drilled that hole in my head, and then stitched me up, glorious nubs and all. So, the fact that I cannot remotely persuade, coax or cajole that ring (just for fun) to budge past my knuckle - I mean, it's going NOwhere - my finger is 1.5 times the size it normally is, and it freakin' hurts like hell; well, I'm doing the proverbial head-scratching - with my right hand, natch, because my left hand is too g-d sore (sorry Jesus) - and wondering what UP??


So, it got me to thinking ... about my toenail. What's the connection you ask? Well, when I had the seizure back in March and somehow managed to rip the toenail off my big toe (wow, am I thankful that I was in la-la land when THAT happened....and I'm still pissed off that I will miss open-toed shoe season completely....dang it!!), well, it got me to thinking about how I had always taken little things for granted; little things like my toenails, for example. Sounds goofy and perhaps mildly freakish, but it's about perspective. This morning, when my finger was soooooooooore (ouchy), it got me to thinking the same thing - about perspective. And how much I love my fingers and specifically, about mobility and when one of my fingers is sore or when that mobility is negatively impacted, how it makes doing simple things rather ... well ... slow; it also made me think about having to be careful about doing something as simple as washing my hair - gee, we have come full circle here - back to the hair! All kidding aside, the lesson I have re-learned, and that has come back into sharper focus is to continue to be thankful - each and every day! - for every little thing I can still do: See. Hear. Walk. Talk. Eat. Laugh. And TYPE! - all great and awesome gifts for which I need to continue to thank Him/Her - oh, that and hair, while I still have it. :-) (By the way, my finger is feeling a little better - still swollen but it's not a throbbing, pulsating mess - on the ouchy scale, it's a 5)

And ...as I have no idea what caused this ouchy thang to happen, my story is this (are you ready?). Last night, as I slept, my cancer-fighting persona (i.e. the non-Cinderella half), sleek and trim and Uber fit, clad in black leather and looking AWESOME (if I do say so myself - hey, she's my fantasy persona!) was kicking the absolute S**T out of Itsnotta, Romut, Svulst, The Tuuuummmaaa, That-Mass-In-My-Brain, Beotch-Cancer.... that Miserable-Are-You-KIDDING-Me-It's-Cancer?? in my head. Power of positive thinking right? There's a part of me that believes that if I visualize myself confronting those evil beotch cancer cells and literally kicking them in the solar plexus, or the cajones (in the proverbial sense of course), then, it will help me get through the next few months, as I fight this thing. There you have it.

.... Oh, and during the fight, I got a boo-boo ... and that's how I ended up with a swollen ring finger.

And on that happy note folks, I will bid you all a wonderful evening. Thank you again - for reading; for humoring/humouring me!; for your awesome, wonderful, sweet, funny comments; for your friendship, support and love; for YOU!!! Hubby and I continue to be humbled by your outpourings of support and love and we count our blessings daily and thank the Good Lord above for YOU ... thank you all .. .and to our family and friends in Canada, wishing you a spectacularly good long weekend!

Tonight's closing courtesy of  Ms. MS ... as the treatment time approaches, thought it apropos to use the sign-off .... (and the ever-effervescent and Uber creative Racherella put forward a number of awesome suggestions for the Six-Week-Fun-Fest .... might as well keep it fun and creative, right? So stay tuned for those ...) :-)

Radiating Happiness and Positive Chemo-tions

Cancerella (and Her Trusty Knight in Shining Armor/Armour aka The Dude Who Drives Ms. Daisy)
xoxoxoxoxo