Here and now ... how sweet it is ....

Buona sera, tutti. Yes, feeling mildly Italian tonight (thanks to hubby who made a delizioso pasta dish for dinner). Hope everyone had a delightful day and for the moms that are reading this, I hope that your families are planning a wondrous celebration to honor/honour how AWESOME you are. I know Mother's Day isn't until Sunday, but for those of you who may not have already planned something special or picked up a beautiful gift for your mom, perhaps this is your lovely gentle little reminder? :-) For those of us whose moms have left this earth, I hope that your memories of her bring you joy... :-)

So ....I have been giving a lot of thought to what tonight's musings/ramblings might entail and although I was my normal goofy self at work today (many thanks to those of you who might be reading this from work that contributed to the innumerable giggles and guffaws!! From mullets and fluffers, to psycho mommy and TW, to just simple, sweet hugs, thank you!), there's a part of me that feels quite reflective, truth be told, particularly after seeing Dr. Cheemo yesterday. Been giving a lot of thought to the next six weeks, how that will feel - and beyond the hair thing (really) - and although I know what to expect with the radiation, there's a part of me - I must admit - that is a wee bit anxious about the chemo. Perhaps it's just the thought of it - I know it's come a long way from the days of yore and that the pills I will be popping aren't of the Uber scary variety - at least not for the first round (and hubby advises that I need to read up on the documentation - haven't done that yet, as evidently round 2 is a little more ... ummm .. intense ... yeah!!). I suppose it's the thought that perhaps it's finally registered in my brain (yup, the brain with the svulst, with the Itsnotta, the romut) that I have a brain tumor. Holy s**t. When did that happen?!@! Well, kiss my astrocytoma indeed! At least I have a logo/tagline/t-shirt to show for it now! Sigh ....

I am really giving it my all to stay positive and keep it light - and in perspective - and I have all of YOU to thank for your energy, support, love, for the giggles/chortles/guffaws, for your hugs - and for laughing at my corny jokes and humoring my "Marge Simpson or Marie Antoinette wig?" challenges, or for sending me pics of inappropriate tattoos to ink on my bald melon to coming up with ideas on what to tell folks at work when I go bald ("I'm auditioning for a movie role"). Please please know how much that means to me, as it helps keep this gal's glass FULL and that is what helps get me through the day - and what I need to focus on for the next few weeks. And when my glass is full, it also helps my dear, sweet darling hubby .... (and thank you SO much for the call, HM and MSM - LOVE you both!! Made my night!!)

OK ... getting a little verklempt here ... *sniff*

OK ... all good *sniff* (oy ... I'm a little more serious ce soir ... je m'excuse ....)

This prognosis/process has had me reflecting on the past couple of years, which candidly, have been the most personally challenging of my life, for a multitude of reasons. It just seemed that everything that could go wrong, did - in both a rather steady succession, and with each component presenting itself as progressively more serious, and compounding the prior issues - all interconnected. Work. Health - (oy vey ...numerous issues there. Sigh. After having been super healthy all my life). The loss of my brother. And on and on and on. And with each challenge, I looked for guidance and insight from the Good Lord above ... the whole "Dear Lord. Hello?? Hey up there... what UP?? (I admit - there were times when I asked in my prayers, "Dear Lord. WTF is going on???" ... true and blasphemous .. GASP!!! Guess I should go to confession but whatEVER.... somehow I think He will forgive me - I digress) What are you trying to teach me/tell me/show me? What haven't I learned? HELP!" Because I truly believe - and perhaps I read this somewhere or maybe it was one of those things that I was taught as a child (the whole self-flagellating Catholic thing) - that He only gives s**t to people who can handle s**t ... so .... I have been trying to figure out what up with all of the s**t ...gee, that was delicately stated ....

And I think it's about perspective. About focusing on what matters. About being thankful for that which I have taken for granted. I was telling someone recently about the seizure I had on March 9 - the one where hubby had to call 911 because I had a full-blown seizure - I think I may have told you fine folks that story - but during that seizure, I banged my toe and took out the toenail on my big toe (ouch - and just before open-toed shoe season. Boo. Waaaaaa.). Now, as goofy as it sounds - and I only use it to illustrate a point - it made me realize that something as inane as a toenail is something I have always taken for granted. So, my mission is to just be thankful and kind and grateful for the wondrous small things - leaves coming into bloom, birds chirping, a sunny day, a gentle breeze, the sound of rain, the smell of fresh cut grass ... AND the love of friends and family, being able to see, hear, walk and talk, a roof over my head, the gift of laughter ... and the gift of sharing the lives of those I love ...

A dear friend who is experiencing some painful personal issues with her partner recently said to me that her issues were inconsequential compared to mine. And that made me take a step back and wonder if more of you wonderful, beautiful folks also feel that way ... if so, all I ask is that you please please continue to share your life with me, because again, it's all about perspective. Although what happens in each of our lives is our own personal story, if we are presented with challenges and hardships, then, we hope and pray that we have a support network to help us through these challenges. I am so so blessed; both hubby and I are so abundantly blessed to have such an amazing support network and friends and family and so much love, and all of this beautiful help and support along this journey. So ... I fervently hope that you will continue to share your story with me, with hubby as that is what friends do ...

Wow ... I can hear Heath Ledger's voice in my head suddenly "why so serious?" :-) Just reflective ...it happens ...

Wishing you all a wonderful evening and tonight, I think a simple sign-off seems appropriate ....

Stay classy, San Diego.


(Couldn't resist) :-)

Cancerella

xoxoxoxo