Ready. Set. Choose an option

So....I finally made a couple of calls today. Yes, I have been trying to be brave and all of that good stuff and at the same time, I need to evaluate possible options, because that is the sensible adult thing to do. Part of it relates to not ever wanting to feel like I am abusing a privilege - I think it's the Catholic in me. Turns out that because I have worked at the spot I have for as long as I have, I am entitled to some benefits on the short term disability front. Frankly, the thought of it makes me mildly nauseous - not in the physical sense, but here in the US of A, people just work and work and work some more and if you don't, there is a part of me that believes that perhaps somewhere folks think ill of you.

Statistically speaking, Americans take the fewest vacation days per capita of any country on the planet. Highest incidents of heart disease and stroke. Stress, long hours etc ....so, truth be told, although the gal I work for had actually put forward the idea of the whole short term leave thing (thanks db) and she and her boss (thanks ac) and her boss (thanks lk) have all been very generous, I am digging deep to find the answer as to why I might feel strange about taking it. And I want to tell myself it's not guilt; not all of it anyway. It's the whole concept that my life on a personal level really is more important and that it took me this long and this shit to figure that out. Now, please know that I have always loved my husband, my friends, my family - it's that these events and the events of the past two years have finally made me understand what matters. Better late than never though, right? Count my blessings, count my blessings, count my blessings. I need to keep telling myself that. And that hell, I am brave and strong but at some point, it may come down to the simple fact that getting my head nuked and taking drugs that kill frigging cancer cells (ok ...think about THAT for a second....hmmmmm) may make me a little tired and stupid and thick and all of that hell - or perhaps more aptly - WTF - I should take time to rest, rejuvenate, recuperate ..... because ...well ...because that is the right thing to do ....for so many reasons....

Wow. Deep revelations aplenty here. Holy shit.

Aaaaaaaaand.... all of this really does cast a different light on things for me. It's like part of me has woken up from some kind of sleep or that This Thing has snapped the blind and Eureka! There's the sun!! I can see! It's like something, someone lifted the fog, made things clear. I'm not very prosaic tonight but I hope you might understand ...and thanks for sharing my innermost thoughts, feelings, fears, hopes .....

And on that happy sunny note, I wish you all a good night, fondest regards and lots of love. Tonight's salutation courtesy of Racherella (merci beaucoup, chere amie),

Bonne soiree from Judy's Jubilee

Cancerella and Budiolo

xoxoxoxo